Positive Body Image; or How the Kardashians Helped Me Love My Shape

(Warning: while this blog post may seem to be about positive body image, I spend a large portion of it discussing my behind.)

I have 2 sisters and a little brother. We are just like the Kardashians! At least according to my sister Melinda, who informed me the other day that I was Kim Kardashian. "Other than the fact that Kim's the middle sister, how am I like Kim?" I wanted to know. I've been married for 8+ years, I have 3 children, and there's no private videos of me floating around on the internet.

"Because of your butt," Melinda answered.



I couldn't deny it. It's true. Relative to my sisters, and to most anyone, my butt is large and out of proportion to the rest of my body. I recently realized this and contemplated my next steps. Do I embrace the shape and continue to maintain a similarly proportioned figure even as I lose weight? This would mean focusing on toning my derriere, encouraging it to tighten a 'la Kim. Or do I focus on cardio, shrinking it altogether. The decision is mine. The beauty of working out and losing weight is that you can make these kinds of decisions along the way.

A recent jaunt through Target helped me figure it out. I saw they had a new coding system for jeans, where each jean comes in multiple sizes and categories. Looking at the various numbered categories, I placed myself in #4: curvy hips and thighs. Positive Body Image Tanslation: Kim Kardashian would wear these. I tried on a pair and realized that not only did they slide right over my curvy backside, but that I had also gone down a size.

This confirmed it! I could continue to lose weight while also enjoy being curvy. Could I picture myself stick thin, hipless, dressing in the style of "effortless chic"? Yes, absolutely. Could I also picture myself wearing pencil skirts with an Atlanta Housewives booty, a tiny waist, and a silky top? Of course! And since that seems to be where this is going, then I'm going to embrace it, love it, and encourage it!

So here's a hearty thank you to Kim Kardashian, and to Phaedra from the Atlanta Housewives, for helping me develop more positive body image!

Vegetables and Herbs and Squash, Oh My!

To prepare myself for going full-on primal for the next 7 weeks, I explored the web, searching for blogs and websites with great ideas. Nom Nom Paleo has been great at teaching me how to make broths, and Everyday Paleo offers a user-friendly recipe index and lots of easy recipes.

So it turns out primal eaters absolutely love their pork and bacon, and basically all pig-related super-treif meats. No biggie. I can smile and nod and just skim past those recipes. On the brighter side, it also turns out that primal eaters share my and Anthony Bourdain's passion for a leaky egg on top of just about anything. After a delicious meal of leaky eggs over cooked spinach, I wondered what other produce would taste good in the same delightful position.

And so, off to Mapherson's produce market I went, canvas grocery bags in one hand, adorable toddler chewing on dried mango in the other. And as she tried to grab every banana she could and put them in the cart, I filled up bags with parsnip, basil, spaghetti squash, Brussels sprouts, green onions, beets, roma tomatoes, blueberries, romaine, cilantro, Italian parsley, carrots, zucchini, cucumbers, red onions, yellow onions, peppers, avocado, celery, yams, and limes.

But before I could get out my eggs and start experimenting, my older sister Francine took over my kitchen. I wasn't about to protest. After all, she did go to culinary school, so who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? She roasted halved roma tomatoes and sliced zucchini with salt and pepper in the oven, then coated the roasted veggies with mashed avocado, cilantro and lime juice. On the side was sliced avocado with more lime juice and freshly ground peppercorns. I would NEVER have thought of this amazing combination, but it was crave-able and filling. I followed lunch with a cup of organic English Breakfast tea, to squelch any urge to snack.

Any fun ideas for what I can do with my produce haul?!

Going Primal Like a Cavewoman

At this morning's CrossFit workout, Brady mentioned that he'll soon be challenging us to try the Primal Diet for 7 weeks. He's a firefighter and super fit-and-strong at 43 years old, so I know his advice is useful and will work. The Primal Diet sounds simple. Eat whole, fresh foods, limit processed foods, and reduce carbohydrate intake. According to this article on LiveStrong, "Accelerated fat loss requires a carb count of under 50 grams a day."

If you watched the video, you know why we call it a "primal" way of eating. Because we're eating like cavewomen (or men). Before grocery stores and ovens, primal women (or men) were hunters and gatherers. The theory is that our bodies have not adapted to processed dairy or grains, and therefore a healthier and leaner way to live is to cut them out altogether. However, I'm not going to be hunting my own meat (although I'll let my dad hunt for our fish, at least), or starting my own vegetable garden (my yard doesn't get enough sunlight), so I'll be adapting to modern hunting and gathering: the grocery store and farmer's market.

The first thing I did (after showering and picking up my adorable little 16 month old, Audrey) was head to the grocery store to gather my fresh foods. My fridge is now bursting with vegetables and I have an Affordable Kosher order arriving in the morning filled with proteins. And to top that all off , I still have some of my dad's Nootka Sound salmon airtight and sitting in my freezer, and tastes just as amazing after 6 months as it did the first day.

Anybody else out there want to go primal, too?

CrossFit Throws Me Back in the Game

I haven't posted since before the summer. It had been a long summer, filled with volunteering and working and freelancing and editing. But the one thing I neglected was my accountability blog. It wasn't until I was recently reminded of its' existence that I decided to finally post anew, bringing it back to life. As I write this my arms are sore. Thanks Rocket CrossFit! By the way, if you click on the link, yes that is a picture of my mom on the home page!


I started CrossFit last week. It's this chain of old school gyms with old school equipment. Nothing electronic. You work the equipment, the equipment doesn't work you. If you have to run, they take you outside into the streets.  I swear when I walked in I thought I was going to flunk out and fall down on the first day. And in addition to all the hard work, there's a list of activities you must accomplish before you get a tee shirt.

On that list is a hand stand. An honest-to-goodness hand stand.

Even as a child in gymnastics, I could never do one. Now, at 30 with 3 kids and around 40 pounds to lose, I can't imagine myself accomplishing a hand stand.

It didn't come up for the first few days, but after a few classes, I walked in one day to see the words "max handstand" written on the white board agenda. Uh oh, I thought to myself. This is not going to go well. But Brady, the CrossFit trainer, encouraged every beginner to try doing an intro-to-the-hand-stand by planting your hands on the floor and climbing your feet up the wall. I'm barely 4'11'', so I knew that would be pretty easy. I lasted 20 seconds before my arms gave out, even with my toes planted on the wall. Then we did back squats while holding a weight bar...then more max handstands....then back squats...then...well, you get where this is going.

My fave part of the class? That other CrossFitters offered to time me. There's a sense of group cooperation, like we're all in the same boat. No two people in the room were at the same level, and everybody cheers you on when you accomplish even the smallest new thing. The first rule of CrossFit is you must introduce yourself to everyone in the room.

I think the difficult training + the warmth of the group is going to be the thing that kicks my ass into shape, whether I want to or not.

Going Up the Down Escalator

The other night on Pesach I heard wonderful and inspirational words of Torah from Rabbi Silver. He spoke about prayer and growing as a Jew. He has always been religious, but he spoke about slightly envying those who come to religion as adults and have to work hard to change their lives. Rabbi Silver used the classic example of trying to go up a down escalator. If you stand still, you'll simply go down. And if you walk you'll only stay in the same place. But if you run, you'll eventually reach the top. It may be more difficult, but that's part of what makes the accomplishment more satisfying.

This morning I realized that idea is what is happening to me right now with my weight loss goals. But I'm not reaching anything. I'm running and running and running (literally) but I'm no closer than when I began. I can talk about strength and endurance and inches lost all I want, but my actual declared goal is weight loss. Is my version of "running" really "walking"? Is my body that resistant?

Pesach is amazing and awe-inspiring...but it's also a holiday that can make you feel like you're pregnant with a big bloated matzoh baby! And just like after having a real baby, after Pesach it can take a while to de-swell. However, in the meantime, I feel so discouraged.

Sometimes when you feel discouraged, it helps to change things up a bit so you can feel like you're trying something new. So even though at Max10 I get the hardest workout imaginable, and even though I absolutely love to kick-box, at the end of this session I'm switching to something new that takes more endurance: running. I'll definitely keep my gloves and buy a pair of focus mitts, so I can continue to train. Maybe I'll even exchange lessons with my husband. I'll teach him to kick-box and he'll teach me Krav Maga.

I'll be keeping my babysitter and every morning running the 2.4 mile Seward Park Loop, plus the walk there and back, which will be a total of 3.8 miles. The whole walk back is uphill. My MP3 player will need some more "let's move it" songs. Recommendations?

If THIS doesn't whip my behind into shape, I don't know what will!

You Are Not Alone...

I thought I was the only one in my Max10 classes who wasn't seeing weight loss. The inches melt off but the weight stays within a 3-pound range. I've dropped a few skirt sizes and I'm stronger, faster, fitter, leaner, and way more energetic! Today I overheard Tommy, who works out in our class and has noticeably trimmed down since he started 4 months ago, talking about how he hasn't lost a single pound, but he has lost 3 inches off his waist. So I'm not alone! And neither is anyone else out there who struggles with the number on the scale but still sees positive results in the mirror.

But I'm worried...next week Pesach begins! If anyone's been to my parents' house for a Pesach meal, they'd know about Chef Thierry Adam and his delightful dishes covered in gravies, sauces, and/or creams that make you forget you're not eating chametz!

When I was pregnant, I would ask Chef Thierry to please only give me the side dishes and leave off the chicken or meat because I was feeling nauseous. This year, however, I am not pregnant and certainly not nauseous. I'll be requesting my meals without the gravies, sauces, and/or creams this year.

This, plus not being able to work out until Thursday...good luck to us all!

Letting It Sink In

As I went though the local drive-thru Starbucks today, I remembered my reaction when I saw the sign that it was going to be built right in my neighborhood. I'd thrown my hands in the air and cheered! I love coffee. I really do. But then I realized something. I'd cheered for a drive-thru Starbucks? Like it was worth celebrating? But every time my husband says "I love you" or "You look beautiful," I don't throw my hands in the air and cheer with joy. Instead I let it sink in, warming me through and through, filling my heart so that I can truly know he loves me and believe he thinks I'm beautiful.

This is important, I think. Letting it sink in. I'm writing about it on my weight-loss blog for a reason. It's hard to believe your husband when he tells you that you look great, because you know his goal is to make you happy and he'll say anything to accomplish that goal. My husband reminded me of something, though. He wouldn't let me wear something in public if he thought it made me look fat. So when I ask him, "How do I look?" and he says, "Beautiful," he's probably telling the truth.

And once I accepted this, I let that sink in. When I dropped two dress sizes in the last 4 months and he told me my body was noticeably changing and he was happy to really see my waist more defined, I believed him, and it motivated me to work even harder.

I don't ever believe the compliments I receive. I always think they're motivated by something. Nothing malicious, of course. I simply wonder if my trainer at the gym thinks I need a confidence boost, if my husband is trying to make me feel good, or if my children are trying to get a treat. It's time to stop wondering! It's time to say thanks, believe it, and let it all sink in.